Radio Sweethearts

Happy Friday, media nerds!

This week opens with a smattering of debate coverage. Two weeks later, we can all pretty much agree on this one, right? It was boring, and pointless, and the voters of America (as well as the candidates themselves), probably could have done without it. “On the Media” agrees that no one learned anything remotely useful for choosing a candidate. I mean, it was a bit gossipy and snarky, but really entirely unnecessary. Moving on.

Also unnecessary this week? All of the coverage of the Popemobile. I’m seeing some similarities between myself and Brooke. She seems to be feeling especially snarky. I bet that if she could go back to last week and delete the media events that annoyed her, she would. If she’s the one editing this episode, Bob should choose his dad jokes very, very carefully.

The point of the pope story is this - as usual, the American media is focusing on the wrong things during the pontiff’s visit to the U.S. We know that the pope wears flashy red shoes. We know that he enjoys a good piano concerto. We also know way more about the bulletproof glorified golf cart that Benedict cruises around in. No one is asking the tough questions of this spiritual leader.

Granted, he does make it kind of difficult. Dude doesn’t hold press conferences, and the Catholic church is pretty secretive. Plus, I think it would be a little terrifying to play hardball with someone in God’s posse. That’s just asking for trouble. Journalists are doing the best they can, and that’s all we can really ask of them.

Next up: a story about computers, the internet, and how the virtual world as we know it was pretty much entirely developed by people who were just goofing off and killing time. I could cover all of the insightful things that Oxford professor Jonathan Zittrain said about the internet, but I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to give our good friend Bob something of a warning.

Dude, this guy is after your lady. Not only does he make her laugh, but he’s copping your moves. Check out this impressive list of metaphors, similes and cliches used during the interview:

• “He controls the phone from soup to nuts”
• “Imagine coming down to the kitchen to find that your toaster has enjoyed the winter update and now it has a third slot. And, you know, all right, I guess I could use that third slot to make a little more toast now.”
• “This is what makes the needle pretty difficult to thread”
• “I’m tempted to say we don’t need no stinkin’ badges”
• “I want to see the hamster dance. It’s such a tantalizing program”

I’m stopping there, because it only gets worse.

Seriously, people. “He controls the phone from soup to nuts?” What does that even mean? He’s one of those guys that’s trying so hard that it’s backfiring completely. He’s talking about iPhones like he’s noticed Brooke checking Cute Overload on one in a bar. He sidles up beside her, breath scented with vodka tonics and cocktail nuts, and the following conversation insues:

Dude: “Hey, good-lookin’! That an iPhone?”

Brooke: “Yeah, it’s pretty neat.”

Dude: “Pssh, I got something better than that I could show you.”

Brooke: “Oh yeah?”

Dude: “I can assure you it’s generative, not sterile.”

Shudder.

And with that, it’s on to some feedback on Bob’s journalistic smack down. I’m not going to go into it, because after that segment with Brooke and Mr. Zittrain, I think I need a stiff drink and a shower. I feel like I’m coated in a thin layer of sleaze.

For the record, the show was edited by Brooke, and Bob delivers the sign-off adoringly, but with a hint of sadness. Look out, my friend. The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name could be in danger.

This recap was written by Kerry, who owes the extra dose of snark this week to the unholy temperature inside her apartment. It was edited by Matthew, who only encouraged her by contributing the suspiciously porn-esque dialog.